Say Hello to My Little Friend
by MercuryMan
Summary: The Grey Jackal catches young cyber-assassins in the act of hacking into his legendary laptop.The only hackers audacious and skilled enough to attempt such a feat are his own grand children!Will they survive the Grey Jackal's retribution? im Mature Conten
1. Chapter 1

**This is a response to a fan fic challenge over on the Spinmax board Opposite Attraction. It is also potential proof of my impending insanity. We were supposed to use one of AFI's top 100 movie quotes as our theme. I chose the infamous quote from Scarface. If you are easily offended, do us all a favor and give this one a pass, m'kay?**

The old man sat on a beat up couch,crouched over the faded chassis of a very old laptop. The computer had been modified and redesigned so many times over the years that it was hardly recognizable as the same trusty tool and companion that he had first depended on so many decades ago. Three-dimensional images in brighter-than-life colors were projected into the air above the aged device, and the old man scrutinized the images and their contents as he mumbled commands to the device to bring certain contents forward or to follow the data stream on to other points of interest.

Suddenly a red flashing sign appeared with the three dimensional image at it's center of a blonde girl with long hair and bangs that fell partway into her eyes, and her mouth a large frozen "o" of surprise. The old man chuckled.

"Well, well, LuLu… what little fish has gotten trapped in the Jackal's security net this fine eve?"

At the old man's prompt, the warning graphic vanished and was replaced by the projection of two children's faces, a girl and a boy, both with mirror image looks of chagrin.

"What foolish mortals have challenged the unbeatable cyber-prowess of the Grey Jackal?" The old man demanded in an amused singsong tone.

The projections sighed.

"Ancient One, you know who it is!" The boy spoke and thanks to the state of the art audio system in the penthouse, it sounded like he was there in the room. "It is I, Jackal 3.0," he said with a sigh, obviously giving in and playing along with his grandfather, "and my bratty and unnecessary sister the Attention Seeker, also known as Georgie"

"Hey, shut up!" Warned the young girl's image with an angry frown.

The old man smacked his lips in a self-satisfied way.

"The GreyJackal thought that it was the fumbling intrusions of his cyber-challenged descendants that he detected, but he wasn't entirely certain because his old eyes aren't as sharp as they were once upon a time! Too many years spent in my youth laboring in front of meager twelve inch lcd screens!"

"Oh god, here he goes," complained the girl's image to her brother. "We have already heard all about the horrors of DSL and the glacial bit rates you had to deal with when you were a kid!"

"The temerity of the innocent ones to imagine that they could hack their poor hapless granddaddy!" the old man continued as if he hadn't heard. "I ought to perma-lock your systems! Don't you foolish yutes recall that your beloved grand pappy invented half the stuff that you are trying to use to hack his formidable master server, the StoneCold Stash?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," said the boy, the three dimensional projection of his eyes rolling in his disembodied floating head. "Someday the student will surpass the Master, grandfather. I will defeat you and all of your secrets will be…."

The hooting laughter of the old man cut him off and the children lapsed into an annoyed silence.

" 'Someday' isn't marked on any calendar that the Grey Jackal can ever recall seeing! You little grasshoppers are precocious, but you lack the devotion to the art that made your Ancestor a legend of the Cyber Realm! You couldn't hack through a Crystal Lake camp councilor with a hockey mask and a machete!"

Both children made annoyed sounds, not amused by their grandfather's obsolete references.

Suddenly the Georgie projection smiled brightly, and cute little stars even shot out of her bright eyes to flare away into nothingness in the air around her face.

"Come on grandfather! You know we love you! So how about you release our nano probes now? I have research to do for my dissertation on Global Freezing!"

"The Grey Jackal, though far from immune to the charms of the diminutive Wise One, feels that it is his duty to not engender weakness in his misguided descendants by rewarding their failure. Sooooo… I think that a story before I release you is in order!"

The children groaned and the boy's image flashed a nauseated green color.

"Please not the Metro Court hostage crisis again!" begged the girl.

"And we've heard how our long-winded Ancestor became Mayor of Port Jason like a quadrillion times. Can't you just shove bamboo under our fingernails or order us to drink Tabasco sauce, or Brazilian berry juice or something?" complained the boy.

The old man arched a silver brow.

"The Grey Jackal is not entirely pitiless or alien to the nature of mercy. Therefore I shall regale you both with a hitherto untold story of your Honored grand pappy and the Divine One, his Maximista- your grandmother. The talk of twelve inch screens made me think of this story."

The children's projections glanced at one another and then looked back at the old man impatiently.

"Well get on with it then for Hilary's sake!" drawled the girl.

The old man settled back onto the worn couch that was almost as aged and decrepit as he was.

"A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…."

"Oh for crying out loud!" the boy complained under his breath

"The Grey Jackal was only the Jackal then, and a mere grasshopper besieged by the machinations and multitudinous plottings of the citizens of what was then called Port Charles. But I had the ministrations of my Blonde Ones, and the support of my Mentor, and even then I was a formidable assassin of cyberspace. However the rest of reality was full of challenges for young Jackal. This was years before the first Genuine Clarity Crystals, we had to make do with something we called 'hi-def' back in those days. But the Grey Jackal digresses! Your grandmother and I had become friends and the Jackal knew in his heart that Maximista was his destiny, so I set about wooing her and winning her over with my irresistible charms. The day finally came that she could no longer resist the animal magnetism, the sexual allure of the Jackal, and we took our relationship to the next level…"

"Umm granddad, I'm eight, should I be hearing this?" Two phantom hands appeared and pushed themselves against the girl's ears.

The boy simply rolled his eyes and sighed, resigned.

The Grey Jackal's voice droned on, recounting events of a distant time that dwelt in his memory with the fresh vividness of yesterday.


	2. Chapter 2

"Spinelli, really it's okay

"Spinelli, really it's okay." Maxie tried to relay reassurance in her voice and mask the disappointment she felt.

"No, the Jackal begs to differ. It is far from okay." Spinelli sat up on the couch drawing his boxers back up around him defensively. "Umm, nothing like…this has ever befallen the Jackal before, well of course this type of event as a whole is extremely rare in the Jackal's limited life experience but…"

"Look Spinelli, relax. It happens to every man I'm sure."

_Except Diego, Jesse, Lucky, Cooper, Sergei, Detective Cruz, that bellhop at the Metro Court_, Maxie thought before shutting that line of thought down firmly.

"It's my fault," she continued, "I shouldn't have just jumped your bones when you weren't ready. You're my best friend and here I am trying to use you for my selfish needs!

"Needs, right," mumbled Spinelli in shock and disbelief that his dearly held dream was coming true but the little Jackal wasn't cooperating.

"Besides," Maxie smiled devilishly glancing down at his now covered lap, "It's kind of cute like that. It reminds me of you, all floppy and adorable!" She began to reach over towards him, but Spinelli shied away, grabbing for his scattered clothes.

"Maximista forgot to mention useless and impotent!" he yelled, mortified as he quickly dressed and ran for the door of the penthouse, seeking to flee the scene of his crime.

"Wait Spinelli, don't you believe in me more than that? You may rule the Internet, but this is my area of expertise. Give me a few minutes and I promise everything will be…"

But the door slamming cut her off. Spinelli was gone. Regretfully Maxie dressed, hoping that her friend's ego wasn't shattered forever.

"Wait a minute," the young boy's voice was straining to hold back laughter. "Your telling us that the infamous Jackal couldn't get it up?" The boy's image dissolved briefly into static as he gave in to peals of raucous laughter.

Georgie's image showed a sort of bored detachment, a "I'm busy doing my nails but my heart isn't really in it" look.

"Let your grand pappy finish, Maliciously Mirthful One!" the old man scolded.

"Sure grand dad. If you think you can, of course," said the boy with an evil smirk.

"Well your grand pappy the Jackal was in a sorry state at this unexpected downturn in his fortunes, as you can imagine. So he went to the one person he could count on for the proper training and advice in manly arts."

"S-StoneCold!" Spinelli sheepishly entered Jason's office, making certain that the door was firmly closed behind him.

"What's going on Spinelli?" Jason's blank stare still managed to somehow relate impatient anticipation.

"Your deflated grasshopper is in need of his master's sage council!"

Seeing his young roommate's distress, Jason swapped his impatient stare for his concerned one.

"What about? Is someone giving you a hard time?"

"Sadly, the exact opposite is the case."

Jason shrugged and spread his hands. Knowing Jason like he did, Spinelli correctly interpreted this motion as the equivalent to a normal human saying, "I want to help you Spinelli, and you know I've got your back through anything, so I am just going to be patient and let you tell me what is going on at you own pace. You know you can trust me with anything."

"You see Maximista and the Jackal, well we finally gave in to our mutual lustful desires."

Jason leaned back in his chair and raised his eyebrows slightly. Spinelli knew this meant, "way to go Spinelli, but how exactly is this a bad thing?"

Jason was nothing if not a master of minimalism.

"Well you see, at the crucial moment of the potential, well, merger…."

Jason waited for Spinelli to spit it out.

"The Jackal experienced a pronounced lack of lead in his proverbial pencil…"

Jason stared at Spinelli.

"My flag was inexplicably flying at half-staff…"

"Hm," Jason commented.

"My huge capacity hard drive was… was reduced to mere inadequate floppy disc…"

"I get the picture," Jason said.

"My fearsome scavenger beast, the little Jackal, was but a yipping Chihuahua…"

"Too much information, Spinelli!"

"Right, right," moaned Spinelli, hanging his head. "StoneCold, what can I do here? Never in his wildest visions did the Jackal foresee going to a joust sans lance, as it were. I mean, my divine Maximista is the very embodiment of all things desirable, so how could this happen?"

Jason brought his hands together, steepled his fingers and nodded sagely.

"Okay Spinelli, look. This is kind of a big deal for you, you know, going there with Maxie. You are just feeling pressure. It's the same kind of thing I go through when I have to off somebody."

Spinelli cocked his head, confused. He raised his hand and made circles in the air. "Please continue, the Jackal does not see the parallel."

"Well I am supposed to be the best, right? I never miss, I always get my target and there's never any evidence left behind."

"Your powers are revered by all."

"Yeah well see the problem is, at the end of the day I'm only human Spinelli. I could make a mistake at any time. But because of my reputation, and the expectations, I'm not allowed to. See that's pressure. And that moment when I am pulling out my gun to do business, if I think about all of that, I might miss, or even worse, not be able to pull the trigger when the moment is right. See that's what you did, you thought about it, and the pressure got to you."

Spinelli's eyes widened as he processed Jason's unexpectedly lengthy verbiage, and he sighed in relief.

"So the Jackal's malfunctioning member was a temporary glitch! I simply need to reboot my hard drive, reallocate my RAM…"

"Yeah okay, whatever you just said, and Spinelli take a couple of these in case none of that actually works."

Jason produced a couple of blue pills from somewhere and placed them on his desk in front of Spinelli.

"Supplemental enhancements?" Spinelli asked dubiously. "Do these actually work."

"They'll do a hell of a lot more than that crappy Brazilian berry juice you swill. Elizabeth's never complained, that's for sure."


	3. Chapter 3

"So the Jackal took his Master StoneCold's advice and took the supplement

"So the Jackal took his Master StoneCold's advice and took the supplement." The old man's voice droned on. "Don't you interloping siblings want to know if they worked or not?"

The boy's image blinked as if barely warding off sleep, and the girl yawned theatrically.

"We are absolutely riveted grandfather. Please finish the story before we are all as old as you."

"Very well. Following the partaking of the helpful supplement, the Jackal experienced a big new spring in my confidence, a generous swelling of pride, and the one thing that every man deserves- a little well earned respect from the neighborhood! I sought out my darling unfulfilled Maximista, my only goal to thrust through her doubts, to penetrate the veil of uncertainty between us. In short, to give her the boning of her life…."

"Spinelli, thank god you are here and we can talk alone." Maxie looked into his eyes, hoping not to see an injured soul.

"Beautiful Maximista, the object of all of my surging desire, talk has always been one thing that the Jackal excelled at in abundance. We could talk. I could tell you how much I want you, and that everything is going to be as it should now. We could have a long…" he stepped in closer to her, "hard talk. But tonight, tonight of all glorious nights, the Jackal would rather show you."

Spinelli disrobed.

"My… god, Spinelli!" Maxie gasped as her eyes widened.

Spinelli leaned in closer to Maxie, nuzzling her cheek with his chin and lips and in a very bad Cuban accent, whispered in her ear.

"Say hello to my little friend!"

"Holy Tony Montana!" Maxie exclaimed.

"So you see, that brings the Grey Jackal back to the whole twelve in-" the old man stopped speaking and his eyes narrowed. The children's images had been replaced with a three-dimensional message.

"We saw ourselves out. You are slipping, grand dad!"

"Curses!" Muttered the old man, the Grey Jackal, once upon a time known as Damien Spinelli, the former Mayor of Port Jason. "They're getting' good! But you'd think the darn kids would have a little respect for the series of events that eventually brought them in to this world! Ah well, LuLu reset yourself and go back to ether patrol. I think I am going to have a little nap. And maybe even have a little dream of her- the object and fulfillment of all my desires. My Blonde One of destiny, my Maxie!"

The silver haired man settled back on the couch that was almost as old and decrepit as he.

Sleep came with blissful quickness.


End file.
